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In the Belly of the Whale
One of my favorite books of the Old Testament is Jonah. It’s concept and meaning had initially always read a bit fantasy like to me. It reminds me of a vivid scene from the story “Pinocchio” especially when Jonah finds himself stuck inside the whale! I realized that I hadn’t given much credit to it, nor had I ever really gone beneath the surface with this one until it came back around in recent liturgical readings for the past few weeks. Is it just about avoiding what God has asked me to do, or is there a deeper hidden meaning to this story about to be revealed? I can relate…
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Be God’s Donkey
I have had quite the past couple of months! Have you ever just felt plain exhausted by your health on your infertility journey? Have you ever felt so weighed down by feeling physically ill that it makes it difficult to bear and commit to more tests and treatments? I am so here right now! It began for me with trying to determine the cause of total body inflammation from possible new food sensitivities, a breast cancer scare with a full diagnostic imaging workup to boot, and even now, unwelcomed pain that lead me to my last two surgeries has returned in full force laying me flat in agony. I am…
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The Humanities of Infertility
In my prayer life, I’ve often observed that God uses many resources to send me messages of hope, encouragement, and mercy to increase my faith, which in turn allows me to trust in Him even more fully. I tend to have a more Carmelite heart when it comes to the silence observed in prayer, and I find that sometimes my fear keeps me from truly feeling still and even motivated to spend the much needed time in this quiet place of reflection. But lately, I’ve noticed how much meaning and love He’s been showering me with in so many forms all around me that make me even more aware of…
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Post-Op Tea Party for the Tummy
We just got back from surgery #6 with the St. Pope Paul VI Institute. This is picture of our Mommy and daughter recovery tea party for my tummy (not on my tummy!) now that we are finally at home recovering. We actually learned about the need for surgery #6 about six months prior to this one just after surgery #5. Can you believe it? I actually ended up having 2 out of town surgeries during COVID-19! Even worse than that, God made sure #6 was performed on this past Holy Thursday. Believe you me, I tried extremely hard to find a reason to not have surgery during Holy Week! This…
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Am I Being Punished?
Some of the questions I seem to keep pondering and coming back to are “what more can I do or try?” and “have I done something wrong that this keeps continuing?”. Sometimes, I almost feel as though there is a punishment involved with me somehow deserving infertility as a consequence. Even reading these questions now I feel this big “gulp” in my throat trying not to react to them! It’s not easy to feel yourself begin to isolate into the “not normal” group over here having an out of body experience as you watch your “normal” version of family grow and thrive all around you and that you so happen…
