God’s Birds

Have you ever had the awesome experience of feeling like someone is praying for you? Maybe you don’t know why someone is praying for you, or what the prayer is all about, but have you ever felt a very specific presence of the Holy Spirit in a moment when you least expected it with the confidence in knowing that someone is praying for you right now? This actually happened to me the other morning as I was getting ready in front of the bathroom mirror and brushing my teeth no less! I was listening to a beautiful song by an old favorite Christian band of mine when all of a sudden, I felt this amazing warmth surround me, my heart started to dance, and without any doubt at all, and in the freedom of faith in the moment, I just knew that my mother-in-law was sending me sweet kisses of prayer. I was so certain in this feeling and presence that I began to cry in absolute abandonment to awe and wonder, and I had an overwhelming sense of the outpouring of love He was bringing me through her prayers.

The one thing you should know about Eileen, was the devotion and solid sturdiness she demonstrated in her life. She was very determined in her convictions, and when things were acknowledged to be right to her, they just were. You may call it a trait of her German and Irish heritage, but I know that this determination is how she was fearfully and wonderfully made by God and what He had intended for her soul to be. Her very name means “bright, shining one” (https://nameberry.com/babyname/Eileen), and although I didn’t get to know her too long before Stage 4 dementia robbed her of her memory, I did still see this light and strong spirit within her in our cherished interactions and visits. I also came to admire that same strength she had about her through the humorous real life stories about her and their retelling by her loved ones over the years. Although her prayers were greatly appreciated and very welcomed now, I began to wonder why now all of a sudden was she so determined to pray for me?

Some of the gifts of her prayers relate to the song I was actually listening to in the moment is called Psalm 91 (On Eagles’ Wings) by the band Shane and Shane. Here is the link to the video with lyrics on YouTube ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rG_y6X2K_dM ) if you’d like to take a listen to it (I highly recommend listening to anything by Shane and Shane!). You may even recognize this song as a hymn we often hear sung at Mass. It’s significance to me is that I was honored to have helped select this hymn to play during the conclusion of Eileen’s funeral Mass. At the moment we were leaving the church to escort her body to the cemetery, and as we were all singing the song together, I kept envisioning the strength and protection of the mighty span of an Eagle’s wings essentially flying her home. It was as though God’s very hands came down to scoop her up and carry her towards heaven. When I hear it now, I find there is a beautiful meaning and depth sung about the protection God has for us especially when we, as His beloved little ones, continue to look to Him as our means of comfort and strength during even the most trying times of suffering.

Still trying to put the pieces together of what her prayers might be for, I took a step back and evaluated where we were at in our current journey with infertility. If I’m being honest, I have been struggling with whether or not I want to continue writing and talking about our journey with infertility because of some of the heaviness we are currently re-experiencing in carrying this part of our cross. The enemy has been sending me little mind jabs about how I might fail God if I continue to share and write, and he’s been throwing a few additional obstacles at my family to prove his strength hoping to create a rise in fear within me. He plants these little seeds of doubt that sometimes grow into some pretty tortuous fear weeds knowing that he will distract me from what I think is God’s intended purpose, and they additionally cause me to lose focus on God’s ultimate plan for us. But, here comes Eileen, soaring straight to my heart through “her song”, reminding me of her life of strength and encouraging me to increase my own now. I heard it in the lyrics of the song to holdfast in my faith, find strength and protection in God, and resist the temptations of the evil one because he is no match for God. She wants me to be sure in this just as she always has been. Thank you Eileen for being my own personal flashlight on the truth, and bringing me the much needed boost of confidence through your prayers!

Eagles aren’t the only birds that Eileen made her prayers visible to us through this day! She absolutely loved the beauty of the red clothed Cardinals while she was alive, and we have always thought that she and John’s deceased father would come visit us under the appearance of them from time to time. A small disclaimer here: no, we don’t believe in reincarnation or any teachings contrary to our Catholic faith; I am only sharing some things personal to us that are gifts we’ve noticed God sending us in unexpected moments in our family’s life story that make us aware His continued presence. So, the very same afternoon after hearing the morning’s “Eileen song”, a pair of Cardinals came to perch on a tree right outside our dining room window. The male is the one that has bright red color feathers, and the female is a little darker reddish brown color that tends to blend in a little more with the tree (you can see her tail feathers on the branch just past his beak). John said the male bird flew right at him in the window for a closer look (probably defending his mate from the reflection he saw in the window!), but we took it as a wave hello from Tobias! If you put the two together as we see them, we have the “bright, shining one” announcing “God’s is good”, which is the meaning of my father-in-law’s name (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tobias#:~:text=Tobias%20is%20the%20transliteration%20of,meaning%20%22God%20is%20good%22.). My curiosity got the best of me, and I had to do a little research on what makes the Cardinals so special to our family.

I found this great website about birds called World Birds and this specific article about Cardinals called “15 Cardinal Bird Facts You Didn’t Know (2021)” (https://www.worldbirds.org/cardinal-bird-facts/) to help me with this part! One of the facts I didn’t previously know, is that Cardinals get their name from our very own Catholic Cardinals partly because of the beautiful red color they don to identify their role and namesake. I liked the way the article describes the Catholic Cardinals as “principal counselors” in defining what their job is in assisting the Pope. Once again, our little visit from family is reminding me that they are here to provide counsel to our family as they stare at us through the window donning the outstanding red feathers as Cardinal birds. My favorite declarations of the uniqueness of cardinals comes from fact #7 in the article: “The Cardinal is a symbol of confidence and balance”, “Cardinals know everything about their own distinctive gifts and talents…”, and “Parent cardinals live a well-balanced family life, giving both of them the chance to take care of and nurture their kids in turn”. Now we have both of them here praying for us, reminding us that they are always supporting us with their prayers from heaven. Their role is to keep pointing us back to the strength and protection of God that held them together with within the foundations of their own marriage and parenthood, and they’re insisting we do the same.

As I begin to pull up all those little fear weeds, I realize that these messages intended for us are God’s way of reminding me of who I am to Him. I am a precious bird that is completely safe in the palm of His hands, that my cross of infertility is the “color” that makes me a unique stand out in His flock, and that He wants me to begin to have confidence in these gifts of infertility as they continue to shape who I am and how He defines me. He wants me to know that I am not in a cage, and I have the freedom to choose to fly to Him, or stay hidden despite the colored identity He has given me through this cross. If I can separate myself from the trap of the enemy who’s trying to keep me flightless in fear, this gift of faith will allow me to take flight with Him under the wings of His own protection. The gift will in turn hopefully transcend to be a source of light to those who need an unexpected visitor of prayers lead by the Holy Spirit Himself.