Prayers for my Brothers and Sisters in Suffering
It was just like any other day for me at work. I was driving the massive C-Arm into the operating room to set up for a day of imaging repetitive back surgeries, when the charge nurse asked me “how do you continue to do the same thing over and over again?”. Without hesitation, like a flash from the holy spirit in my mind and mouth, I blurted out “if not me, then who?”. Essentially, I thought, if I didn’t do it, who else would? At the time, I was single and trying to discern what God was calling me to in my life as I was plunging further and further into my faith. Even though the current scenario had nothing to do with faith, I correlated the fact that everything we do in this life is from Him and for Him. If I chose not to do this particular work task, many patients would not have had successful surgical outcomes as X-Ray was the very eyes to see for their surgeons as part of a greater plan to improve their health! In the spiritual life, if I choose not to continue to be who God has called me to be, I would be working against His divine plan for myself and the many others He has called me to help serve. He began to teach me (even back then) how important faith is, and how important I am to Him. I understood that this was an actual call to faith itself. We can choose to love, choose to follow Him, and choose to grow, or we can choose not to, but all of our actions and responses to Him contribute to the greater acceptance and revelation of His divine plan for all of those souls He brings across our paths in the course of a lifetime.
Many of the gifts we have received throughout our journey with infertility have directly resulted from the suffering that we have been asked to endure. Often times, in our hardest moments of struggle, it’s been easy to default to “why me God” especially when we have been in the very eye of the storm of suffering. In recent years, I have been trying to remember the importance of the previous statement, and I say to myself “if not me then who?” as I have been more mindful that the suffering itself is a gift. “Wait a minute…what?”; you might be questioning how anyone can perceive suffering as a gift here, so I’ll attempt to explain myself a little! Suffering causes us to plunge into the strenuous toil of practicing virtue and it strips away all control we think we often have, and it replaces it with the knowledge that He is ultimately in control. He Wills or allows the suffering to take place not only for bettering ourselves and allowing for us to grow in faith and holiness, but these gifts are also used to better those around us as well. Suffering can also propel us into the arms of Christ as we persevere through seemingly unending unknown variables as a means of furthering our dependence on Him, and in the process, we are reminded to unite our suffering with His and to thank Him for all that He has done for us.
Suffering throughout our infertility journey has alerted me to all kinds of suffering happening around me. One of the greatest gifts I feel I have received from suffering is the desire to pray for others enduring it. It always seems to happen after the wave of fear and anger I grapple with in my grief begins to recede, and after the noise of my own struggle with grief begins to quiet down, God shows me where my prayers are now needed and who they are meant to help support. It seems this time, it has ranged from complete opposite ends of the spectrum of fertility from a friend medically ending her journey with it, and another struggling to hold onto hope as her baby forms in her womb without truly knowing for certain the extent of the complications the medical imaging has recently revealed to them. Just by simply being made aware of each of their personal situations and suffering, I know with all confidence in faith that I am called to pray for them and their families. I am also made keenly aware that God has asked me to suffer beforehand, so that I am now made present to listen with an empathetic heart to their needs and and intentions, and to become a prayer warrior joining others to storm heaven for hope and healing for them.
“For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”
(Matthew 18:20, NABRE)
I love this passage in Matthew to help demonstrate the power of prayer and how He is there as we petition Him for not only our personal needs, but also for the needs of others. When I think about what prayer is, I remember a visualization from my own catechism attendance days (back in the day!). I remember them telling us that prayer is just like picking up a payphone and calling God to talk to Him (you read that right…payphone…my days were back in the days pre-existing cell phones when payphones were actually everywhere!). Of course, my prayer payphone to God was all white (it just seemed to me that God’s payphone had to be a little more distinct than the average payphone!), but this simple image that I have held onto reminds me that prayer is just a simple conversation with God. I am not overwhelmed by thinking how formal it has to be, or how properly I feel I must even speak to Him, it’s simply a conversation with Him, and sometimes, it’s on behalf of my brothers and sisters in Christ. It’s just like a simple phone call to God only now, it’s on a white cell phone!
When you find yourself in the eye of the storm of your personal suffering, try to begin to change your thoughts to “if not me, then who?” as you keep learning the love of Christ and the love He has for you through it. The purpose of suffering, is that it’s meant for our greater good, and for a puzzle piece that can only come from me to be added to His greater plan and divine picture. Begin by telling Him “thank you” for the suffering to get in the habit of finding gratefulness for all of the graces He will be giving you through it (even if you don’t feel grateful). Prayer for others is such a powerful and loving way to help everyone through their own moments of suffering. Not only is it a connection to one another through faith, but you have no idea how your prayers are needed and used in the lives of your brothers and sisters around you.
I’ll leave you with this powerful and encouraging song by Andra Day called “Rise Up”. It reminds me of how we are able to help one another through even the most difficult times passing on the love we have received to one another. I pray you can hear the message of hope within it especially when you find yourself falling to your knees in prayer amidst the hardest pangs of your suffering. Please pray for us as we continue to pray for you!
