In the Belly of the Whale
One of my favorite books of the Old Testament is Jonah. It’s concept and meaning had initially always read a bit fantasy like to me. It reminds me of a vivid scene from the story “Pinocchio” especially when Jonah finds himself stuck inside the whale! I realized that I hadn’t given much credit to it, nor had I ever really gone beneath the surface with this one until it came back around in recent liturgical readings for the past few weeks. Is it just about avoiding what God has asked me to do, or is there a deeper hidden meaning to this story about to be revealed?
I can relate to trying to hide when God might be calling me to a higher purpose than I originally “planned” for myself. This screams loudly all about our journey with infertility even now. I always found it odd how deliberate and unrelenting God’s ask and need is of Jonah to do his mission: speak to the people of Nineveh about Him and prepare them for the conversion of their hearts. But, this call was not just solely about the conversion of the people, it also included the conversion of Jonah’s heart.
Despite his plight to ignore God, and in facing the detrimental storms that placed the other sailors in danger, it would seem that Jonah would just not accept that this was even God trying to get his attention. Can you believe he attempted to sleep while the others frantically prayed to their Gods for help worrying that they might perish? How often have I tried to avoid these same storms thinking they will just go away?
And then it happens…they throw Jonah overboard to fend for himself whereby a whale swallows him whole giving him plenty of time for self reflection and prayer within this confined and sort of protected isolation. This is the part that has been key for me lately: forced spiritual solitude. Sitting in the belly of the whale happens to be a direct pathway to silence where He can tell me what He truly desires for me. Without the threats of the storm creating such noise, and without the support of anyone else, this type of solitude turns me toward Him for an interception of love directed at my feeble heart.
Notice Jonah wasn’t quick to pray either! It took him 3 days before he really reached out to God. Right now, I find myself here at the beginning (on day 1) just getting acquainted with my surroundings. I’ve been slowly dropping to my knees as all that I try to “hold up” around me seems to be forcing me there even faster. If your like me, your a little distracted at this part, maybe looking around and thinking “man, it really stinks in here!”, or “how do I escape this?”. You might even question if this is even really happening right now. Maybe you’re desperately trying to see if the storm has passed yet, but you just don’t get to see that part. Maybe you can’t find comfort in all of the other distractions that have helped you relax in the past, and prayer is just the last resort you turn toward to calm you down. But, I still find myself right here… in the belly of the whale.
It’s been six months since my last surgery and I am having pain again. We’ve been talking about a hysterectomy and desperately clinging to every bit of information as it comes to help us discern having this procedure. It’s hard to make lasting decisions when I feel so poorly, and decisions like this one seem so final to our journey. I still struggle with myself wanting to just quickly end this pain because it has been long enough now (at least I think so!). As I cry out to God in my desperation, He’s asked me to join Him in the silence within belly of the whale. I am restless, I haven’t completely surrendered yet, and I’m still reaching for distractions to find some comfort here from within.
For me, this restlessness is a gift. It’s a time when God is asking me to go to that quiet place to seek Him and find my comfort there with Him alone. I am the type of person where my best lessons have been learned by being forced to my knees in prayer. It’s where all control is noticeably stripped away from me (as if I ever really had any!), and the message that comfort is not my end goal clamors within my heart.
I am the worst sufferer I know! I never see the merit in it until long after a storm of suffering has passed. I look for answers it would seem everywhere else besides within this forced spiritual solitude first. This actually adds to my mounting aggravation within these situations! I wonder why God doesn’t just keep me captive in the belly of the whale? Then it hits me…forced spiritual solitude is an invitation not a force of my will at all.
The invitation is to tell Him all of it and not try to shoulder what I have been on my own. It’s an opportunity to push the “reset button” in places I have yet to surrender. It allows the Holy Spirit to evolve my prayers from “please take away this pain” to “help me walk with this pain today for His sake”. It’s admitting that my wounds are not as healed as I had hoped, but also a gentle reminder that He’s seeking me out, and that He wants me even in this frantic state.
I don’t have to solve it all today, and He reminds me that the peace I feel comes from only from Him. Once again, the invitation to prayer leads to even greater intimacy with Him, and He’s asking me to abandon my fears to Him all while holding me in His sacred arms of trust in return. The gift in this moment is, I don’t have to do anything…I just have to be His.
A friend sent me this beautiful Novena for St. Jude, and I wanted to highlight part of the prayer that really seems appropriate and meaningful to me while I hang out here in the belly of the whale on his feast day!
“St. Jude, pray that I may put my trust in God that He knows my needs even better than I do and that He provides”.
https://www.praymorenovenas.com/st-jude-novena
May the blessings of God bring you the light of hope through the intercession of St. Jude, and may you find comfort and peace as you accept the invitation of spiritual solitude as He draws you in even closer.
I also wanted to share this beautiful and newly discovered song by Christian Artists Brian Johnson & Jenn Johnson called “You’re Gonna Be Ok”. For some reason, music has been filling my heart with even more love through these sung prayers. I hope that songs like these can also give you a little comfort during the times of noise and chaos, and guide you in your weariness straight into His arms too.
